Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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