just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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