So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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