your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
