I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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