did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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