splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
