i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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