Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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