You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
