Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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