i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
