So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
His nipple licking is glorious
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