Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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