I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
