she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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