totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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