We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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