ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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