i think i have herpe
just one?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
