I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
