if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
