So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
