hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
