She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
