So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
