And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
