yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
