5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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