we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
