last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The Olympian is in my bed
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
