she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
