My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
