if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is classic penis vs brain.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
