no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
