I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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