So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
