she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
