So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
