It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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