The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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