Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
