Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
