just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
