I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
