Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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