Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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