So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
