Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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