Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
