I never want to see another naked old woman again.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
