my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
