maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
