im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
