I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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