I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
