I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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