Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I deserve this hangover.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
