I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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