He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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