Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
