So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
