he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
