lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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