Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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