How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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