I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
