I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
