Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
