i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
