My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
