chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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