She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
