This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
