I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
