You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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