idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
vagina is talking i cant
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
