i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him