Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.

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(810): i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand. (1-810): nice, that's exactly what jesus would do. http://tfl.nu/jen7

Replies (19) Good night (4226) Bad night (650)
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(207): View more from Maine

there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.

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(207): there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW. http://tfl.nu/2lyk

Replies (11) Good night (2138) Bad night (524)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.

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(479): New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways. http://tfl.nu/3d1m

Replies (42) Good night (871) Bad night (2706)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.

(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.

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(508): Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen. (781): I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night. (508): Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street. http://tfl.nu/mnwi

Replies (25) Good night (1201) Bad night (2499)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.

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(602): Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter. http://tfl.nu/60s7

Replies (17) Good night (1171) Bad night (4762)
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(352): View more from Florida

Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes

(1-352): View more from Florida

I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.

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(352): Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes (1-352): I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos. http://tfl.nu/ch4a

Replies (13) Good night (7809) Bad night (1017)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.

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(513): I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this. http://tfl.nu/ok35

Replies (20) Good night (6433) Bad night (1217)
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(303): View more from Colorado

He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

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(303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd

Replies (27) Good night (9301) Bad night (4161)
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(619): View more from California

i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die

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(619): i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die http://tfl.nu/4ks9

Replies (18) Good night (1225) Bad night (4916)
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(602): View more from Arizona

One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them

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(602): One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them http://tfl.nu/t9s2

Replies (8) Good night (3400) Bad night (1048)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.

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(570): i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition. http://tfl.nu/mkq9

Replies (16) Good night (5430) Bad night (825)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.

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(615): I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code. http://tfl.nu/vsgs

Replies (2) Good night (642) Bad night (281)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.

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(404): Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack. http://tfl.nu/ljkk

Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (198)
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(260): View more from Indiana

I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"

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(260): I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby" http://tfl.nu/6cul

Replies (0) Good night (562) Bad night (210)
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(630): View more from Illinois

He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was

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(630): He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was http://tfl.nu/qjtz

Replies (4) Good night (216) Bad night (685)

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