I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
