I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
