Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
