You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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