Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
