Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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