please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
