tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How's work?
Spinning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
