come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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