Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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