I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
